Simple Geometry
by spqr
Summary: Marissa is coming home from rehab. How will that impact the relationship between Ryan and Seth? Chapter two is up! Chapter three is up! Check out chapter 4 and 5!
1. Default Chapter

Overall title: Simple Geometry

Author's note: Some of this may be familiar. Parts of this story appeared as Configurations, but trust me, it's better now! Please read and review!

Disclaimer: not mine, don't own 'em, dammit! Please don't sue. Implied Ryan/Seth this chapter, more smut later. Don't read if you don't like--consider yourself warned.

Rating: R overall, just to be safe. This chapter, PG

Chapter one: _Subtle_

__

How did this happen?

That's easy. Speaking for myself, as I am wont to do, mental eye roll at the cheesy, pretentious use of the word "wont", _I've been under Ryan's nearly wordless spell since he first appeared. Even when I was drunk, that first night at Holly's party when I outed him as Chino trash. Ryan thought, hell, even I thought at that point, that it was because I was jealous of Summer's attention being directed towards him, rather than towards me. But when we got back to the poolhouse that night, after he defended me, I wasn't so drunk that I didn't wonder if that was the real reason. Or if maybe it was that I was jealous of Ryan's attention being off of me, and onto someone else, anyone else._

The truth is, _in the weeks that followed I watched him; I invented little ways to invade his personal space. Talking in a low voice so that he had to come closer to hear me; sitting just a bit too close while eating cereal, while playing videogames, while watching movies; using my mad subtle swimming skillz to edge my floaty chair closer to his in the pool. Looking for a sign that I was too close, and never finding it. Testing myself, hoping it was just a phase, as my mom would say, but the twitch in my cock when his breath feathered against my cheek in response to my whispered witticisms said different. I did something I'd never done before--I flirted. With another guy. With Ryan. I don't even know how to flirt, but somehow it came naturally._

I didn't think he even noticed. I wasn't at all sure that I wanted him to, but hey, I guess he's quick like that. I found that out the night we came back from TJ after getting Marissa to the hospital.

************************

The drive home had been a nightmare. An ambulance had carried Marissa to a clinic in San Ysidro, and Seth, Ryan, and Summer had remained silent during the drive back to Newport. After they dropped Summer off, Seth and Ryan had rolled up to _casa Cohen_, to find Sandy and Kirsten waiting. Still, no one had made a scene; Kirsten pulled both boys into a hug, Sandy had patted their backs and murmured something about having a family meeting in the morning, when they were all a bit more calm. Ryan went to the poolhouse, Seth, Sandy, and Kirsten went upstairs.

Seth was in bed, staring moodily at the ceiling, when he heard a tap on his door.

"Dad, c'mon, I'm tired, OK?"

In response, the door swung open and Seth turned over to see Ryan shadowed in the doorway.

"Is it OK if I come in?"

"Yeah, sure dude, why not?"

Ryan closed the door behind him and slumped against Seth's bed. For awhile, neither boy said anything, until Seth finally spoke up softly, "Hey. Are you OK?"

"I don't know, man," said Ryan, turning to look up at Seth. "This is fucked up, you know? Everything is fucked up and I don't know what to do, how to fix it."

At that, Seth tentatively reached out a hand and stroked Ryan's hair, keenly aware that the other boy was not pulling away; aware, too, of how good Ryan's hair felt beneath his fingers. "Dude, sometimes you can't fix what's broken, and at this point the whole situation is, well, broken. But it's gonna be OK, Marissa's gonna be OK, my parents are...uh...let's just say they're, uh, willing to listen..." His advice was broken off by the sound of a harsh sob from Ryan that had Seth suddenly up and over the side of the bed, landing next to Ryan on the floor.

"Dude, what?...Really, I...you..." Ryan propelled himself into Seth then, tears falling, sobs racking his body, clutching onto him like Seth was the only thing keeping him from spiraling down into some darkness that threatened to swallow him whole.

Seth did the only thing he could do. He held Ryan, while trying to make sense of the disjointed words interspersed with sobs. Seth heard, "...looked like she was dead...all alone...my mom, too...couldn't wake her up...couldn't fix it...couldn't help..."

"Ssshhh, ssshhh, it's OK, it's alright, it's OK, it's gonna be OK..." Of all the things that Seth had ever imagined he'd be doing if or when he found Ryan in his arms, channeling his mom wasn't one of them, but it seemed right, right now; murmuring assurances while rubbing gentle circles on Ryan's back.

After a bit, Ryan sat up and wiped his eyes with the palms of his hands. His eyes were still a little unfocussed, and his voice wobbled slightly when he spoke. "God, dude, I'm sorry. I just...I thought I was dealing, but...it just hit me all of a sudden." Seth thought, _I bet he's never admitted weakness to anyone before_, and was thrilled, yet strangely frightened. His own voice was a little unsteady as he said, "You can stay up here, with me, if you want. I mean, maybe you want to be alone now? That's cool, too, but...the offer's there, you know, if you want it..." 

Ryan smiled, and Seth's heart turned over. "Yeah, if that's OK? I can crash on the floor--can I borrow a pillow?"

"Dude, you are _so_ not sleeping on the floor! Just get in the bed, OK? I'll sleep on the floor, alright? I mean, if it freaks you out or something..."

And Seth's heart did another strange loop around his chest when Ryan stood, pulled him up, and said, "No, it's OK."

Towards dawn, Seth awoke to the realization that Ryan was pressed very closely against his back, his knees bent behind Seth's, his arm snugly lodged over Seth's chest. His first thought was that Ryan must be cold, and he instinctively tried to rise up to grab the comforter that lay at the foot of the bed. Ryan's arm tightened, and he whispered, against the back of Seth's neck, "I'm not cold. Not now."

Seth's whole body gave an involuntary shiver, and he broke out in goosebumps. "OK."

Ryan's voice against his neck continued. "Thank you for what you did last night, Seth. Thank you for right now."

Seth suddenly flushed, goosebumps gone. "Uh, you're welcome, dude," he stuttered, acutely aware that their bodies were touching from collar bone/shoulder blade to ankle, and that he had developed an uncomfortably hard erection. _Think about comics, or something...a lot...and then think about how you can get out of bed and into the bathroom without turning around. _

Again, Ryan's breath on his neck. "I've seen you watching me, Seth, getting all up in my space. You're subtle, man, but not that subtle."

"Uh, OK...I'm sorry?"

"Nothing to be sorry about, Seth. You should know that by now."


	2. Lull before the storm

Author's note: Here's Chapter two--much smuttier than Chapter one. This, too, may look familiar, like you read it in a dream but when it was edited it became much, _much_, better.

Disclaimer: as always, unfortunately, not mine.

Chapter Two: Lull before the storm

Seth and Ryan sat side by side on the floor in front of the TV, playing Seth's latest _Tony Hawk: Pro Skater_ game. As they played, Seth kept glancing over at Ryan, who kept his eyes resolutely on the screen. Finally, Seth took a deep breath, licked his lips, and said, in what he hoped was an appropriately casual voice, "So, dude, when does Marissa get back from the, um, the place?"

"It's called rehab, Seth, and she gets back tomorrow."

"Ah. Tomorrow. Yeah, that's soon. I mean, that's awesome, dude. For you. And for me too, I guess. I like Marissa. She's, you know, different from what I thought and so yeah, that'll be great, her being back and all, and, we can do stuff. I mean, you, you and her can, you know, be...do... stuff..." he trailed off uncertainly, blushed, and returned his eyes to the screen, only to witness Ryan pull a maneuver that sent him careening into a wall. The screen flashed _Game Over_.

Ryan put down his controller, turned to the other boy and said, "Seth. What are you trying to say?"

Brown eyes met blue for just a moment, before sliding away. "I just, I mean...it's great she's coming back, is all." He looked down at his hands, still clutching the controller, and wished that he hadn't started this conversation, wished that the Earth would split and swallow him whole, wished, for the first time ever, that he was as far away from Ryan as was humanly possible. But he wasn't; in fact, he was so close he could detect the odor of fresh laundry coming from Ryan's t-shirt, and the faint hint of peppermint soap emanating from Ryan's skin.

Ryan put his hands over Seth's, willing him to put down the controller. At last Seth's eyes swept up to meet Ryan's. Ryan could see the incipient pain, the resignation, and, heartbreakingly, the hope lurking there. "Are you afraid things are going to change? Between you and me? Is that it?"

"Well, I mean...you and her, you've got _chemistry_, you know, and she's a _girl _and I would totally understand if you were all like, _about _girls...uh, they're obviously all about _you_, you know, and if you wanted her...I wouldn't feel weird or anything. I know you, like, like me as a friend and a brother and stuff, and there's Summer, and that Anna, remember her? She'll be back soon and she seemed to dig me and she's cool and pretty and, you know, maybe I'd have a chance with her so I've got a lot of options, a lot of irons in the fire, if you will, so whatever we did you don't have to feel like you, like, owe me or anyth--" 

Ryan reached a hand up and pressed his fingers lightly against Seth's lips, then slid his hand around until he was cupping Seth's cheek with his hand, while his thumb gently stroked Seth's imperceptibly trembling lower lip. He brought his mouth close to Seth's and whispered, "Do you want to stop this?" Seth leaned into Ryan's hand and mutely shook his head. "Or this?" Ryan breathed, as he nipped gently at the lip under his thumb.

"I, uh, no..."

"Or this?" outlining Seth's lips delicately with his tongue. A small, wordless whimper was the response as Ryan finally brought his mouth down on Seth's, kissing him gently, tongue probing and gaining entry with ease. Ryan kissed him leisurely, languidly, and thoroughly, both his hands now cupping Seth's face. When Ryan finally drew back a little, Seth's eyes opened and he stared at Ryan.

"Dude, you've...we've never kissed before...I mean, I wanted to, but I thought you just wanted the..." making the universal gesture for a handjob.

"I want a lot of things, Seth. Kissing you is just one of them. This is another one", he continued, laying Seth down on the floor and straddling him. "And this", lifting Seth's t-shirt up and sliding his hands up Seth's sides. "And this", dipping his head to lap and gently nuzzle Seth's exposed nipple, causing Seth to shiver with desire. Ryan lifted his leg and shifted until he was stretched out on the floor beside Seth, running his fingers up and down the other boy's torso. They locked eyes for a minute, and Ryan said softly, "This is what I want, Seth", leaning over and running his tongue down to the waistband of Seth's jeans while simultaneously releasing Seth's erection from them.

When Ryan's mouth enveloped him, it was like nothing that had ever happened to Seth. He groaned and tried to stop himself from clutching Ryan's head convulsively, opting instead to roughly stroke his fingers through Ryan's hair. Ryan's tongue and lips were doing things to him that no amount of clandestine internet porn viewing and his own hand could ever have prepared him for. It felt, for lack of a better word, _*awesome*_, and as much as he wanted to have that tongue and those lips do what they were doing forever, he knew he was close to orgasm. He opened his mouth to speak, and managed to croak out, "Dude, I...I'm close...do you want to stop...?"

Ryan shook his head wordlessly, his hair brushing Seth's thighs with the movement, and then continued on. Seth let out a muted shout as he came, his body going rigid and then boneless. This was leagues, even miles beyond anything Seth had ever done with Ryan, and as Ryan slid back up his body, coming to rest with his head in the hollow of Seth's neck and his hand lying loosely on Seth's hip, his fear returned. Was this the proverbial kiss-off, the pity fuck, the prelude to Ryan telling him that what he really, _really_ wanted was Marissa, it's been fun but I've got to move on, we'll always have Paris, bro, but that's in the past now?

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?" said the other boy, his lips pressed against Seth's neck.

"What...why did you just do that? Don't get me wrong, I...it was amazing, but..." _but what does it mean_? he wanted to ask, but Seth suddenly realized he if he was too scared to ask the question he certainly wasn't prepared for any answer that Ryan might give him.

"Seth. I wanted to, I wanted _you_. That's generally why people give other people blow jobs, you know," Ryan said, his mouth quirking into a smile that Seth could feel against his neck.

Seth was too afraid not to leave it at that, for now.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Later, after Seth had gone back up to the house, Ryan lay in the darkened pool house trying to come to terms with the situation. He was an expert at reading people, and besides, Seth was so transparent; Ryan knew very well what he was trying to ask. _Do you love me_? _Will you leave me_? _What will happen to us_? Good questions, all of them, and Ryan hadn't a clue as to how to answer them


	3. Breakfast of Champions

Author's note: OK, Chapter three! No smut, but now with 100% more Angry!Seth, finally. That boy's got issues, I tell you, _issues_!

Standard disclaimer: I wish...but, no.

Simple Geometry, chapter three: _Breakfast of Champions_

Seth was already seated at the breakfast bar the next morning when Ryan wandered in.

"Hey," the blond said, as he helped himself to some cereal.

"Hey. Um...Summer called earlier." Summer had been their conduit to Marissa for the last two weeks. Julie Cooper was no help at all--her barely veiled contempt for Seth, paired with her absolute refusal to even speak to Ryan pretty much guaranteed that she was not the font of information where her daughter was concerned.

"Yeah, uh, she said that Marissa's parents had stopped fighting long enough to go pick her up. She'll be home around noon."

"Ah. OK"

"Listen, Ryan, I...you should go over there, I think. You know, see how she is and..." Eyes resolutely looking down at the comic book he was reading, so that Ryan couldn't see how hard he was trying to keep his voice level, to keep his eyes from brimming with tears.

"Seth." 

"What?" Eyes still downcast.

"Look at me."

"Wh--why?"

"Didn't your mom ever tell you you should look at the person you're talking to? And besides, I want you to see me."

Seth raised his eyes, then, and Ryan gave him a smile that threatened to overwhelm any defenses that Seth had tried to fortify within the last 24 hours. "OK, that's better. I'm not going over there; she has to come to me, or not," Ryan continued, keeping his eyes locked on Seth's.

Seth swallowed with difficulty, but without taking his eyes off Ryan he said, "So, I should make myself scarce at about 12:30, right? Clear the playing field, don't salt your game...I'll just, uh, I'll go sailing. In fact, I'll go now. Good luck." He pushed his chair back and stood up, but was stilled by Ryan's grip on his wrist.

"Don't go yet. We need to talk. Please?"

"Uh, no, dude...I've never had a girlfri--, whatever, but I've watched enough movies to know that 'we need to talk' is code for something that the talk-ee doesn't want to hear the talk-er say. So, we can just stop this conversation now because I'm pretty sure what you're going to say and I'll just go and you can, uh, use your time wisely by thinking of what you're going to say to Marissa and I'll just, um, see you later, OK?"

Ryan released his wrist, then, and said quietly, "You're pretty smart, Seth, but you're not a mind reader. Just do me a favor and listen to me for a minute. Please?"

And with that second repetition of the word please, Seth sat back down, trying his best to keep looking at Ryan. "OK."

"Seth, I like you...I love you, even" and Seth's heart gave a little lurch. Ryan continued, "You're the most honest, most exasperating, most open person I've ever met in my life. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, if you asked. But I don't...I can't...don't make me hurt you, Seth. I can't do that, not after what you did for me."

__

"Don't make me hurt you?" 

Suddenly Seth was very, very angry. "While I appreciate the sentiment, Ryan, may I point out that that first time, after TJ, was not a pity fuck, and neither were all the other times. You don't owe me anything, I'm not asking for anything, and here's a newsflash, _friend_, you've already hurt me, so that's that. You're really getting the hang of things around here, aren't you? Say one thing, do another? Position yourself so that you can say 'mistakes were made' without ever having to admit any responsibility? Well, fuck that, and fuck you." With that, Seth slammed out of the kitchen, not even sure where he was going.

The phone rang then, and Ryan picked it up automatically. "Hello?"

"Hey Chino, is that you?" Summer's voice continued, "I already told Cohen this morning about Marissa coming home, but he sounded all weird or something, so I thought I'd just remind you. She's working through a lot of stuff, so if you push her in any way I'll rip out your throat and feed you to my stepmom's chihuaha. And I'm not kidding--just ask Cohen about the rage blackouts," and with that she hung up the phone.

Ryan disconnected, and then lowered his head into his hands.


	4. Dinner of the damned

Author's note: Chapter four! More Angry!Seth, more Angsty!Ryan, and a little bit of mothering thrown in for good measure.

Disclaimer: Not mine _*sob*_. Please don't make it worse by suing me.

Simple Geography, chapter four: _Dinner of the damned._

"So Ryan," said Kirsten over dinner that night, "I was thinking, if you're not working tomorrow you might like to come over to the new development and look over some of the plans."

"Uh, yeah, thanks. That sounds great."

Seth spoke up nastily from the other side of the table. "Better make sure you don't already have _other_ plans, dude. I mean, you wouldn't want to disappoint my mom, would you? Because that would be, like, totally uncool, right?"

Kirsten and Sandy took in Seth's glare, Ryan's downcast eyes fixed on his plate, and exchanged worried looks. To break the tension Sandy asked, a little bit too heartily, "So, fellas, what did you do today? Anything interesting?"

Still glaring at Ryan, Seth snapped, "Well dad, I'm not sure what _Ryan_ here did today, but _I_ went down to the pier to hang out with all the other losers and freaks. Just like old times. Hey Ryan, what _did_ you do? Did Marissa call? Come over? Fun in the sun, lounging by the pool?"

"Uh, no...may I be excused please?" Ryan stood, gathered his dishes, and went into the kitchen.

Kirsten turned to her son. "All right, Seth, you want to tell me what _that_ was all about?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, mom. Just a little pleasant dinner conversation. Now, 'if I may be excused'" exaggerated eye-roll, "I gotta go...somewhere." And with that, he stomped off in the direction of the den.

"I'll go," said Sandy in response to Kirsten's glance.

**************************************

When the knock sounded on the poolhouse door, Ryan glanced up in alarm. Seth coming back for another round? No, just Kirsten, which wasn't much better, all things considered. He sat up and motioned to her to come in.

She sat down on the bed next to him. "Ryan, did something happen between you and Seth today? Did you boys have an argument?"

"I...yeah, kinda, this morning. I'm sorry."

"May I ask what it was about?"

Ryan grimaced and thought, _Oh, yeah, like I can say, "Well, see, it's like this, Mrs. Cohen. Seth and I have been sexing it up in the poolhouse ever since Marissa's been away, and now she's home and Seth is scared and jealous because he thinks I used him as a fuck buddy substitute for a real girl and I can't fix it because I don't know what the hell I'm doing or what I'm feeling, and, oh yeah, he accused me of being a Newport pod person and told me to fuck off. Oh, and I think I may be in love with him, which is just not right, and what's worse is I think he's in love with me, too. And there's Marissa and this...thing between us that I'm pretty sure isn't love but maybe could be."_ He took a breath and said, carefully, "I think Seth is worried that we won't hang out as much now that Marissa's home."

Kirsten sighed, then said, "I was afraid it was something like that. Listen, Ryan, Seth is, well, sometimes his mouth runs away with him before his brain can follow. I know you boys are close, and I know that somehow this will all work itself out. Seth's never really had to share anything with anybody before, and I'm sure he finds it difficult, but I have faith in the both of you." She stood up then, and reached out a hand to brush the hair back from Ryan's face; a gesture so simple and so comforting that it threatened to bring tears to his eyes. "Goodnight, Ryan."

"Goodnight, Mrs. Co-" she raised an eyebrow at him, and he finished, "Kirsten."

He fell back on the bed, the threatened tears finally coming. _That's what's at stake. A family. Trust. Faith. Love. I know these things are precious; I know what their absence feels like. That's what I was trying to explain to Seth. That's what I have to make him understand._


	5. Makeup Sex?

Author's note: It's taken a very melancholy turn. It's making me sad. But there's a small amount of smut. And any resemblence to a similar pool scene was entirely intentional.

Disclaimer: not mine--if they were, they would not be in such pain.

Simple Geometry, chapter five: _Make-up sex?_

Several hours after Kirsten had wished him goodnight, Ryan was still awake, going over the situation in his mind. He looked up at the house, noting that Kirsten and Sandy's room was dark, but up in Seth's room he could see the blue glow of a computer screen. Betting that Seth was still awake, he decided that he couldn't wait any longer to try to set things right, if that was even going to be possible. Pulling on a pair of sweatpants, he stepped out onto the lawn.

And directly into Seth.

"Running away again, Ryan?" Seth's voice was quiet, and still held a trace of the anger he'd shown at the dinner table, but for the first time since he'd slammed out this morning he sounded more like his normal self.

"No, I...I was coming to find you. I wanted to apologize for this morning."

They sat down next to the pool, and Seth said, slowly, "OK, apology accepted. And mine is offered."

"And accepted."

"OK, but, dude, you're shivering. Let's go inside."

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Seth. I think we need to talk."

Seth reached out a hand and stroked Ryan's arm. "I don't want to talk now. I know this sounds strange coming from me, Seth Cohen, talker extraordinaire, but really, dude, talking is overrated, especially compared to this." He moved his hand up to Ryan's neck and pulled him closer. "I didn't know that until I met you; hence, my overdeveloped talking skills."

"Seth, I..."

"Ryan, shut up." Seth brought his mouth down, and Ryan just had time to notice that, for a guy who'd never been really kissed until the night before he was a surprisingly fast learner. _Fuck, this is exactly what's not supposed to happen anymore. _Then they were rolling on the ground, Seth's hands buried in Ryan's hair, Ryan clutching fistfulls of Seth's t-shirt.

The shock of the lukewarm water as they tumbled into the pool broke them apart. "Oh, shit!" Ryan gasped, and Seth started laughing.

"Dude, now we're gonna have to go inside! C'mon!" Seth grabbed Ryan's hand as they waded to the shallow end and crawled out, running towards the poolhouse.

Once inside, Seth went to get towels while Ryan stripped off his sweatpants. Seth came back with a stack of towels, shaking one out and wrapping it, and himself, around Ryan, maneuvering him over to the bed, pushing him down.

"Damn, Cohen! What's with the newfound assertiveness?"_ I am loving this. Why am I loving this? We can't do this anymore..._

"Again with the shut up, Ryan. I'm repeating my new mantra in my head while I ravish you at the same time. I don't need your peanut gallery chatter distracting me." And with that, Seth proceeded to kiss him again, hard, wet, sloppy kisses interspersed with butterfly brushings over his eyelids. When he finally raised his head, Ryan's eyes fluttered open and he breathed, "Your new mantra? What?"

"It's a little thing called 'confidence, Cohen, confidence'. Different situation, definitely, that's not important now, but don't you think it's working?" While Seth was talking he was running his fingers up and down Ryan's torso, causing more goosebumps to break out, reveling in his power to turn Ryan into putty in his hands.

"I...yeah, it's working, but Seth..."

"Yes, Ryan. In your monosyllabic way you're asking whether I know what I'm doing, and the answer is yes. Well, philosophically yes, but experientially, no. You'll have to help me with that, starting right now. So, " nipping at Ryan's neck hard enough to leave a mark, "like that?"

"Ah ha," a hitch in Ryan's voice. "Yeah."

"And how about the _this_," stroking Ryan's cock through the wet boxers, "and the _that_?" cupping Ryan's balls and giving them a squeeze.

"Oh! God, yeah...please..."

"So now you want it. Say my name, Ryan. Tell me what you want meto do to you and _say my name_."

"I, ah..." Ryan couldn't remember what he had wanted to say to Seth earlier, couldn't even remember how they had gotten to this point. All he could hear was that voice whispering in his ear, _"Tell me what you want me to do to you and say my name..."_ and all the while Seth's hand was stroking him, Seth's lips and teeth were suckling his neck, his ear, biting, kissing, licking...

"Say my name, Ryan, and tell me what you want, " his voice gentle now, but insistent. "C'mon, man..." 

"Seth..." 

"OK, good start, and...?" he murmured, fingers moving onto Ryan's nipple, twisting it lightly while keeping up the nibbling.

"Please..." Ryan's voiced strained now with need, grabbing onto the waistband of Seth's jeans.

Seth made one of his "ooching" moves then, and was suddenly sitting up, indian style, his erection unmistakable but his expression implacable. "Say it, Ryan. Tell me."

Ryan opened his eyes, looked into Seth's, and said, thickly, "Seth, I want you...please?"

Brown eyes stared down at him. "Want me how? Want me to do what?"

Ryan threw all caution to the wind then, closed his eyes, and said, "Seth...anything you want, I want. Anything, everything, just come here, come to me..."

Seth unfolded and stretched out next to Ryan, face to face. They were both a little out of breath, a little flushed. "So, dude, this is it, this is us, right?" Seth caressed Ryan's hip, playing with the waistband of his boxers, dipping his fingers under the elastic.

"Yeah, Seth, this is us," Ryan replied, fingers working to unbutton Seth's jeans as he turned his face up for another kiss.

*****************************************

When Ryan woke up, the grey fog pressing down on the poolhouse windows made the pre-dawn stillness even more oppresive, and Seth was no longer in his arms. He looked up and saw Seth on the couch, looking out at a fog-obscured world.

"'Hey."

Seth turned his tousled head and responded, "Hey."

Ryan got up and went over to the couch. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah, I guess. Are you? I used my mad distracting 'confidence, Cohen, confidence' skillz on you, but I was just avoiding the issue, right? Now it's time for The Talk." He went back to studying the fog outside the windows.

There was silence for several minutes, and then they both began to speak at once.

"Ryan, did you mean what--" "Seth, I need to expl--" 

They both stopped, then Seth made a motion for Ryan to continue.

Ryan took a deep breath, let it out slowly, keeping his eyes on the fog-shrouded window. "Seth, your mom came out to talk to me last night, after dinner," he began. At Seth's panicky movement, he continued quickly, "No, not about...that. She has no idea. She just, ah, wanted to know if we'd had a fight, and I told her that you were afraid that we wouldn't hang out much anymore, since, you know...Marissa. And she said she had faith in me, faith in both of us, that we'd work it out. No one's ever had faith in me before, Seth, until I met you and your family. I want to be... worthy of it, and I'm so scared, because I don't know how. Or, well, I think I do know, and it doesn't include...us. I mean, what we've been doing. I don't want to stop, Seth, but...I don't want to lose everything all over again." He looked over at Seth, misery written all over his face and tears in his eyes. "I don't know what else to do, but it's so hard. It's killing me."

The silence stretched, and then Seth said quietly, "It's killing me, too, buddy." He put his hand over Ryan's. "Last night, well, this morning I guess, I wanted you to say my name so I could tell myself that you weren't...that you didn't...that I wasn't just a substitute for Marissa. I'm not, right?"

Instead of answering, Ryan posed a question of his own. "Am I a substitute for Summer?"

"_No_, dude, _so_ no! That's completely different! Like night and day different, like apples and oranges different, like...oh, OK...I see what you're saying..."

They sat for a long moment in the pre-dawn, holding hands and staring out into the fog. Finally, Seth asked, "Isn't there some way...I mean, there's got to be, right? Neither one of us wants to stop this...thing we have, so why do we have to? Do you think you'd be more 'worthy' to my parents if you dated a girl? Because, seriously, dude, that is just fucked up and wrong..."

"Seth, this isn't about whether I think your parents are homophobic, which I don't, by the way. But they brought me into their home, they trust me..." _trust me with their precious son._ "When your mom was talking to me, I just sat there knowing I was lying to her, lying by omission maybe, but still lying, and I don't want to lie to her, to them. They don't deserve that from me."

"So we all have to be miserable because you don't want to lie. Well, that's all noble and good and stuff, but tell me this, Ryan--how is not being with me even though you want to _not_ lying, huh?"


End file.
